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Theodicy and the Wrath of G-d.

Theodicy, simplified, is the age old question of why bad things happen to good people.  I have always asked myself this question.

It started at an early age, I had a younger sister that died at around age two.  It devastated my mother and she has never been the same.  Later on in life, I questioned how G-d could let the Holocaust happen.  More recently we had the Tsunami and the earthquake in Haiti.

In fact, the earthquake and Pat Roberston, the Evangelical Christian host of the 700 Club are part of the reason that finally drove me to write this.  http://edition.cnn.com/2010/US/01/13/haiti.pat.robertson/index.html I find the guy hideous to accuse people who are victims of an earthquake of making a pact with the devil.  Whatever happened was not the wrath of G-d, it was a horrific geological event of nature.

If one thinks that every bad thing that happens is G-d punishing someone, well then what did the the victims of the Holocaust do?  Wait a minute...let me guess, Pat, they weren't Christian?  Would we say the same thing for people who get cancer, even young children?  Where does it end?  Working in health care, I see inexplicable tragedies as a part of life almost everyday.

This view of G-d punishing people is comparable to belief in Santa Claus.  Those kids that are nice will get the best presents and those that are naughty will get nothing or something bad.  What about those kids that are poor, were they not nice?

If you just read the Bible and take every word literally without Midrash, without analysis, and without discussion you could draw simple conclusions like this.  Life is just not that simple.  This is why we need to continue to explore the Torah and it's meaning forever.  It is not document to be read in black and white as a fairytale would be to a 7 year old.  It is not for us to take the story of Sodom and Gemorrah and apply it to every disaster on earth.  We cannot make life into a Star Wars story of sheer good verses evil...with G-d playing Luke Skywalker and the devil playing Darth Vader.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Rabbi Mark S. Golub, in response to this Haiti disaster, brought up the passage from Deuteronomy 30:19 during his Shalom TV presentation of Jewish 101.
The Jewish Study Bible Translation:

"I put before you life and death, blessing and curse.  Choose life-if you and your offspring would live."  So what's the message there in all this?  For me it says, here it is the world in all its good and bad, but no matter what happens don't abandon G-d.  Instead do what you can to promote good in the world and loving kindness.  As with any portion of the Torah, I will leave it to all of us to interpret.

And what about the Shoah, the Holocaust?

In the book Essential Judaism by George Robertson, he brings up some of the responses drawn using the work of Stephen Katz, director of the Elie Wiesel Center for Judaic Studies at Boston University.  There are 9 of them, but only some of them speak to me.  I have placed them loosely in order of their importance to me, not in the order in which they were written in the book.

1.  "G-d does not act in human history: God gave humanity free will.  Radical evil of the sort manifested by the Nazis is the price we pay for freedom.  The Shoah is the work of men, evil men, not G-d."

2. "The Holocaust is like all other tragedies.  While it raises once again the question of theodicy, it does not significantly alter the problem"

3.  "The Shoa is an inscrutable mystery, transcending human understanding.  Like all G-d's mysteries it demends of us faith and silence."  (I would not subscribe to silence as I think we must remember this tragedy to prevent it happening again.)

4.  "Like the binding of Isaac, the Shoah is a test of our faith in G-d."

5.  "The Shoah is an act of revelation in which a new, 614th Commandment was voiced:  You shall not grant Hitler a posthumous victory, you must survive."

The ones I don't necessary feel speak to me are the following:

6.  "As stated in Isaish 53, the Jewish people are the "suffering servant" of all mankind, suffering in atonement for the sins of others."  (This one sounds a little too much like Christianity to me, just replace "the Jewish people" with the name Jesus).

7.  "The Shoah is an example of hester panim/the hiding of the face of G-d, an occasion in which G-d is absent from human history."  (While I just don't believe G-d takes a leave of absence, however, from the point of view a victim, I could see why this conclusion would be drawn.  I would not begin to understand their experience.)

8.  "G-d is dead.  If there really was a just and powerful G-d, the Shoah could not have taken place.  Therefore, G-d is either dead or never existed."  (While this approaches blasphemy to me, I don't believe G-d is a mortal being who can die.)

Finally, the one I totally disagree with:

9.  "The Shoah, like the destruction of the Temple and other national catastrophes, was punishment for the sins of the Jewish people, who had forgotten the mitzvot."  (I think people like Pat Robertson came up with this one.)
So I would say to anyone reading this...sure, it would be nice to arrange life into neat little cubbyholes and explain everything.  Fortunately, we are given the brains to explore the deeper meaning of life.  Don't take the easy way out, instead look for explanations with substance.

Kathy

30th of Sh'vat, 5770 / ל׳ בשבט תש״ע

Why ask why? Building My Jewish Identity

Alright, I have realized I am tired of explaining my Jewishness to people.  So outside of my sponsoring Rabbi and the Beit Din, I am done.

I find myself constantly doing this with anyone who knows that I am converting.  I need to stop.  Once I convert, I am Jewish and it should not matter I was not born and raised that way.  Yes, I have a lot to learn, but on the other hand who doesn't?  I have a lifetime of study ahead of me as does any other observant Jew.

I find myself explaining these personal things yet again in my Torah class or to a new person I meet who happens to be Jewish.  Not everyone needs to know my business.  I realize there will be occasions that I may need to share this with others, but not ALL the time.  I found myself thinking I have verbal diarrhea when it comes to this subject.

My rabbi gave me an article called "Ethnicity is Not Judaism" by David Essex...

http://www.interfaithfamily.com/spirituality/conversion/My_Opinion_Ethnicity_is_Not_Judaism.shtml

It talks about Judaism being based on Torah, Israel and the Sages, not being traced to the shtetls of Eastern Europe.  While 1/2 of me can be traced to Italy and 1/4 of me to the Civil War, that last 1/4 can indeed be traced to Eastern Europe.  Grandma did wear a babushka (you know one of those gorgeous scarves women wore from that area, whenever it was slightly windy). 

So what is my problem here?  I would say I am ashamed of my family's own identity crisis.  I am ashamed that my family felt it was so bad to be Jewish that they blew it off and converted.  What the heck were they thinking?  Where were their values?  What brought this on?  I wish that for one day I could go back to my great-grandfather's life and be that "fly on the wall".  Realistically, I will never know the answers to these questions.  I will never know what was so terrible in their life that they decided to abandon Judaism or did they have some sort of crazed Christian evangelical light bulb go on in their heads?  Honestly, I think it boils down to one simple thing, it made life easier.  I did not live in their time, nor did I walk in their shoes, but my gut feeling is simply someone followed the path of least resistance.

The problem with my gut feeling is that in any event, I feel guilty for what they did.  Which logically is totally not my fault.  Albeit, I live in 2010, on the East Coast, where it is comfortable for me to find a Jewish life.  They didn't. 

For some reason, they chose to settle in Western Pa.  Originally, they were in Cleveland and Sharon, Pa where there were some Jews.  Then they went to New Castle, PA.  Good luck being Jewish there.  I can only assume it was the work and the possibility of having a little money for a change that attracted them to New Castle.  But here I am making excuses for them again. 

Bottom line, it is unfortunate my great-grandparents did what they did.  On the other hand if they hadn't I would not be here, a child of intermarriage both ethnically and religiously.  While I am convinced G-d does not chisel our destiny out for us and free will is an option..I am here because he put me here and I certainly have a right to exist.  I also have a right to be Jewish.  This goes regardless of what my grandparents decided.  I have to live my own life.  Judaism has given me the structure to live it in a more productive way.  It is the right solution for me and the right religion for me.  I need to become more comfortable with the fact this was an individual decision and not just some sort of magical genetic trait.  I need to continue to work on building a Jewish way of life and accepting my new identity because it is what I want.

 

Building Identity Piece by Piece

Kathy

19th of Sh'vat, 5770 / י״ט בשבט תש״ע

Light at the end of the tunnel

I had a meeting with the Rabbi this evening and he said that after I finish my classes on April 15th, that we could talk about dates for the Beit Din and then the Mikvah.

Right here I think I need to break out in that song from Fiddler on the Roof, "Wonder of wonders, Miracle of Miracles."..remember the tailor when he received permission from Tevye to marry his eldest daughter.
Instead of G-d giving me a wife though, I should say G-d has given me a new life.  It isn' t a perfect life (whose is?), but it is definitely a life that makes more sense to me.

I am so excited about this there are no words.  I talked to him about adult Bar/Bat Mitzvah classes and he gave me the lady's email address to contact.  Jewish study never ends by the way, if I am doing right by my religion, I will be spending the rest of my life studying, but that is okay as that is part of what I like about Judaism.  You grow in this religion.

He asked If I am ready and my answer was "Well, I am definitely am not going back to Christianity".  No offense to anyone who feels that is for them, but for me I just have learned too much history and basic Judaism to ever go back into a church again and feel Jesus is G-d.  He just isn't to me.  It is like I have been given too much information now and I would feel like I was totally faking it.  It wouldn't even be the same as the first time I went to my synagogue and felt intimidated by Hebrew and unsure what was going on.   (At times in Hebrew I am still unsure what is going on:). )  However, to go back to church would feel as if I was doing something wrong.  It is in my heart now.

I also went onto say that Judaism has made me feel better about myself.  I see myself as more valuable now.  I see what I do in the world as more valuable.  

So while it is fresh in my mind...he said I need to go back and review my journey to Judaism.  This exact thing will be hard to put into words, I know the story in my heart, though.  The difficult part will be getting it on paper.

Also, he asked me what I really like about Judaism and what I don't like.  The "don't like part" I have put out there already as this blog has been at times a bit of a place to vent, particularly about things I have found frustrating as a potential convert.

For now I will sign off a very happy woman who will study hard and start working on putting this all into words.

Kathy

22nd of Sh'vat, 5770 / כ״ב בשבט תש״ע

Women of the Wall

As we approach Martin Luther King day, I was absolutely appalled to see what is going on in Israel.  They have virtually created a Rosa Park's situation.  Instead of putting people of color at the back of the bus though, they shove Jewish women to a small section of the wall and interrogate them and finger print them if they wear tallit.

For a nation that grew out of the oppressed, that seems awfully oppressive to me.

http://urj.org/israel/wow/

As a new convert, who is pre-mikvah, I am not turning away from Judaism, but I think the Israeli government could get a clue.  Yes, just what I need to do... piss off the Israeli government, but it just seems they went a little too far in my book with the interrogation and finger printing of Anat Hoffman. http://blogs.rj.org/rac/2010/01/up_against_the_wall_anat_hoffm.html

I encourage anyone who reads this blog to investigate further this situation and sign the petition for these women or help support them in some way.  Women have in my opinion long been the stronghold of a Jewish family, why are they not allowed to pray the same as men in the year 2010?

FYI-I am not a drastic feminist and I am not one who wants to rewrite the entire Torah so it is gender neutral-another huge topic, but not today.  However, I do not think Jewish women should be shoved aside to an out of the way place as that to me is saying their prayers aren't equivalent to those of men.  I also don't think wearing a prayer cloth should be so offensive to anyone.  If these ultra-orthodox men feel so inadequate they are threatened by a prayer cloth then what does that say about them?  It's all about control.  What's next, do women have to dress up like Yentl to use a prayer cloth?

Kathy

1st of Sh'vat, 5770 / א׳ בשבט תש״ע

No my name isn't Maimonides

This week's assignment by our Reconstructionist Rabbi..was a little overwhelming.  For me the word Midrash brings up pictures of men like Maimonides who could do everything from Midrash to medicine.   Somehow, I just don't picture Kathy the convert as being in the same category.  However, since I sweated bullets over this I thought it is worth publishing.

Midrash of Exodus 23:9 by Kathy with editing by her friend Jillian

“You shall not oppress a stranger for you know the feelings of a stranger, having yourselves been strangers in the land of Egypt.

This can be interpreted simply as "we must not reproach another with our own faults.”

While there are some who accept a simpler interpretation of this passage, others place greater importance in this dictate of G-d. In her book, “The Committed Life”, Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis, a Holocaust survivor and founder of the Hineni Organization, states the following:

“We were abused and brutalized in Egypt, and we could have taken that experience as license to brutalize others. However; G-d demanded that we take such pain, turn it around and use it to reach out to others with compassion."

This passage speaks as a piece of strength from the Torah. It teaches us that

we must take the bad encounters in our lives and turn away from their negativity.

Few of us can say that we have not been tarred with the brush of negative forces in our lives. The loss of a precious loved one, the devastation of an unexpected divorce, or finding ourselves a victim of some kind of abuse. All of the aforementioned, in addition to the trials encountered in our everyday lives count as negative forces. It is incumbent upon all of us to muster our conviction and internal strength in order to overcome such challenges.

A rudimentary study of Jewish history offers an example of a people who have survived generations of torture, slavery and in-human persecution. Yet the survivors of such horrors since the beginning of Judaism, have always found a way up and out of the morass. We can, as scholars, use the shining example of such lives as our strongest role models. By their actions, our forefathers educated the next generation, driving them to pursue an unwavering love of their faith, and by their successes in a world, where less than 1% of the population is Jewish, have directed us onto a path to follow: one that equates with the dictates and teachings of a righteous life.

When we allow ourselves to turn our lives around, we will begin to treat others with the loving kindness that all of us desire and deserve. Without this determination, we are left with a negative focus on the past rather than a positive focus on the future. We must take this lesson and internalize it.

When we embrace the light of goodness, we will be drawn into the shelter and the blessings of the covenant.

Midrash is meant to be challenged or challenging....

Good Night for now,

Kathy

24th of Tevet, 5770 / כ״ד בטבת תש״ע

The Jewish Olympics

In my warped way of thinking sometimes I believe we are having one....

Who is really Jewish, are you Jewish enough?  yaddah, yaddah, yaddah.

This is a part of Judaism that I just don't get yet.  There seems to be a competition of some sort going on between Reform vs Orthodox, between who was born of a Jewish mother or a father, there are even nasty Yiddish words for it.  Just read Chaim Potok's "The Chosen" where they refer to Apikorsim.   Apikorsim are what Hasidim refer to as Jewish goyim, or secular Jews.

I just got done reading my Rabbi's blog on who is an authentic Jew?  http://rabbiyair.blogspot.com/2009/12/what-does-it-mean-to-be-really-jewish.html#comments

Well, first of all I think this question is up for debate, but then why are we really tearing ourselves down as a people anyway trying to answer it?  In Reform Judaism, everything is up for debate and that is part of why it works for intelligent people.  It really isn't the opiate of the masses, because there is too much turmoil for it to work as an opiate.

So we are trying not to assimilate and lose ourselves as a people, but I see us tearing ourselves up as a people.  I liberally include myself in this as I really don't see me reversing my conversion process.   I also truly believe that Jewish people need to look out for each other.

Here's my laundry list/whining list:

a. Thank you, Chabad http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/3002/jewish/How-Does-One-Convert-to-Judaism.htm    If you can read this article and not be discouraged then you are a better person than me.  In fact it is quite frankly a little confusing and since I respect Hispanic people, I thought it was a little tacky using a guy named Juan as an example.

b.  The kosher competition...

I keep as kosher as I can.  I no longer eat pork or shell fish, I occasionally do mix milk and meat together, but I try to limit it as much as I can.  There are no Kosher restaurants in my town.  I do the best I can out of respect for my faith and G-d, not because I think someone maybe watching or that I will be punished by G-d for some sort of food faux pas.

However, I know someone that has 2 dishwasher baskets so that he can change them for his 4 sets of dishes.  He exceeds the required 2, I believe the third is for his son who doesn't keep kosher, I guess the fourth is for Shabbat or Passover.

Also, I forgot to mention this guy is a surgeon...news flash you are using the same dishwasher..so even if the dishes aren't touching the sides of the dishwasher, the water from the meat and the milk is still all over the dish washer.  If you can keep a sterile field during surgery, um, I don't think you have to be Einstein to figure this out.

c.  Snide comments,  Rabbi So and So doesn't like converts.  Well then, thank G-d, he isn't my Rabbi.  This is something I heard in one of my Intro to Judaism classes.  Oh, this Rabbi is also the only Rabbi in town not participating in Intro to Judaism classes.

d.  Reform people who slam the Orthodox....some of them are my best friends, too.  I hate to tell you this there are informative things I have found and used for study on Orthodox websites.

e.  Orthodox who slam Reform, "Your synagogue doesn't have services in Hebrew do they?"

In sum, we have plenty of enemies, which is why my grandmother kept my heritage locked in a draw somewhere for so long, so why are we doing this to each other?

My plan, say the Sh'ma, go to bed and be the best I personally can.  I am not in a competition this way.

Kathy
17th of Tevet, 5770 / י״ז בטבת תש״ע
P.S.  Alysa Stanton, I have great respect for you, I doubt you had an easy time getting to be the first female black rabbi in this sea of controversy.
http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=7639090&page=1

On a lighter note...

Anyone who is still feeling like they had a little too much Christmas....I think the Neil Diamond Christmas album was a little too much for me.  Here is a nice anedote to that.

Shalom TV is presenting a hilarious film called the Hebrew Hammer this week.  My best friend and I were on the floor.  Not recommended for anyone under the age of 15, in my opinion.

It is a film about a New York guy, played by Adam Goldberg, who has to battle to save Chanukah.  If you have a sense of humor watch it, I wouldn't recommend it to the extremely sensitive.  However, if you can do well with Seinfeld you will be just fine.

 

On the conversion front:  Our Rabbi is on vacation. The retired Rabbi lead our early service this Saturday.  He is more "traditional" for a Reform Rabbi and he pulled out the old siddur (prayer book) on us.  It was a bit of a slap in the face for me.  I thought I was doing so good at services, that was with the transliteration.

So other than watching my favorite football team not make the play-offs, I am studying my Hebrew as I refuse to let this language prevent me from making it to the mikvah...this is not an impossible obstacle, but a learning experience.  The say Jews are the most optimistic people of the world, right?

Kathy

17th of Tevet, 5770 / י״ז בטבת תש״ע

Crying for people you do not know

Well, this is all my grandmother had left of her uncles and aunt and her own grandparents.....

This photo was taken around 1900.   Hard to tell what was going on there.   So if they had converted, I checked into it, you were Jewish to the Nazi's unless the conversion occurred before 1875ish.   I think of that little girl, Elizabeth Klein in the middle and know what part of Hungary they were from and know that most of them got taken directly from their village to Auschwitz.  

I lay down next to my persian cat now at night and think, she never would be laying in a comfortable bed in a warm room with her cat.  She would have been early middle age and if they let her live it would have been in a labor camp.

I know the names of these people, because I asked my grandmother when I was maybe 12 years old.  I had labeled every picture and placed them in an album.  When I asked her who they were she said they were my great-grandfather's family that never came to America.  Later when my grandmother got sick while I was about 17 or 18 with Alzheimer's disease (though they called it senile back then), we found the 1940 something paper about the Nuremberg trials she had saved and the names of a few Nazi war criminals circled.  My mother (her daughter-in-law) said she didn't understand why she saved it.  Someone got rid of it quick. 

My grandmother was not one to save papers, she only saved one other paper it was about my eldest uncle who was mentioned in Stars and Stripes during WWII.  I still have that paper.  My family was one that liked to tidy up bad information anyway.   There were other skeleton's in the closet that we all just went around pretending didn't happen.

Well, Elizabeth this one is for you as well as for me.  I will work hard to make sure I get to that mikvah.  I can only hope that something else happened to you and the rest of your family and not Auschwitz.  I don't know if I will ever know the truth, although I think I do.  I so wish there was someone to ask like my father, but he is no longer with us, so I can't.

I can only surmise someone thinking we "Why do we need to know this information?"  No one knows for sure what happened to them.  We are Christians now-especially my one uncle, so therefore we need to leave these people in the past.

I can't save them, but I can contribute something to our lost past, that is probably all I can do.

Kathy

10th of Tevet, 5770 / י׳ בטבת תש״ע

Why should the grand-kids find out, it has nothing to do with them?

I think this is what my grandmother and her family must have been thinking, no one will ever know, but I can only surmise.

I have many free flowing thoughts with the discovery that my great-grandpa lost his family to the Holocaust and starting Helen Epstein's book "Children of the Holocaust, Conversations with Sons and Daughter's of Survivors"
I want to know the details, but I don’t want to know-it scares the _____out of me.

• You feel like you are betraying the secrecy on your family, by bringing back the Judaism.

• Will we outlive our life of peace in the US or will someone decide to persecute Jews to such an extent again and then I am coming out of the cave of protection that my own grandparents set up for me?

• Feeling like I am playing a game of well, you may think I am a just Jewish convert, but how Jewish am I now?  I really don't want to be Jewish this way.

• Not understanding why my grandparents changed their names and got baptized several generations ago…but at the same time realizing they were out to save their own selves.  At the same time I have the feeling they may have betrayed their own.  Not understanding why my grandmother was supposed to be Lutheran (at least that is what I grew up thinking), but I never saw her enter a church in her life…now I guess I understand her secular feelings.

• Feeling like I lost my Jewish upbringing, because my grandparents didn’t want this for me.  However at the same time I want it back.  Feeling like I had something taken from me.

Kathy

9th of Tevet, 5770 / ט׳ בטבת תש״ע

A discovery and the bomb that was dropped on my heart....

In doing geneology, I realized, duh, that my great-grandpa came over here without all of his family from Austria-Hungary.  In fact when he came, he left behind brothers Nicholas, Soloman and possibly Elizabeth Klein.  I don't know if/or they were baptized in 1902 or not.  They remained in what is now the Serbia-Croatia area and many were from small towns in the area.   So one day about 2-3 weeks ago, I started adding 2+2 and got 4.

My grandmother had and article found in her apartment after she died, it was the Nuremberg trials with names of Nazi war criminals circled, my dad actually went to visit one of the camps when he was stationed in Germany after the war and described some of it to me, and he would watch endless documentaries on the Holocaust,  my grandmother's brother went back to the village (it was Yugoslavia by then with the border changes) and found the cemetery of the village had been blown up by the in the war.  However, no one had ever volunteered the idea that anyone could have perished in the Holocaust. 

Strangely, I had a patient, named-Mr. Mensch (no I am not kidding that is his name) yesterday.  He mentioned reading "Children of the Holocaust" by Helen Epstein to me.  I have already ordered it.  He is a Jewish psychologist and child of a Holocaust survivor.  He said it is not unusual for families to cover it up in this way.  I feel horrified, a little bit crazy, and very, very sad that some of my relatives may have been victims.  Even if they weren't...we can only hope, all Holocaust victims of any culture should be remembered.

Part of me wants to keep searching, part of me wants to keep hoping it isn't true.  It certainly makes this sudden drive to be Jewish even more important.

I have enclosed today the Mourner's Kaddish:  I am aware you need a minyan for that, but it is the internet and I don't think we should have to wait until Shoa Remembrance day (It is held on the 27 Nisan (April/May). In other countries there are different commemorative days – see Holocaust Memorial Day:

May the world pray for peace on this Sabbath night,

Kathy

8th of Tevet, 5770 / ח׳ בטבת תש״ע

Merry Christmas?

So this is my first Christmas as a Jewish girl.  Yes, I know I haven't been dunked into the Mikvah yet, but I am living a Jewish life as my Rabbi has instructed.

I have to say it doesn't bother me that people mistakenly tell me Merry Christmas, but when they are insensitive louts like one of my co-workers today...I was speechless.  She asked me for my address the other day, as I recently bought a new place in August...then three days later I get this gigantic Christmas card in the mail with one of those newsletters about her personal life and how greatly successful it is.  A little backround on this:  She recently had a baby.  Unfortunately, I am unable to have children, however, I actually took time out to go to the hospital and visit her and the baby when she had it.  I personally was very proud of myself for getting beyond my feelings and being a good person.

It is common knowledge to most of my co-workers that I have decided to convert....one I go to classes during the week and have had to leave at a few weird hours, two I keep fairly Kosher (only one set of dishes thus far though) and three I happily talk about my Chanukah and other Jewish life experiences.  I will give this girl the benefit of the doubt, as she is so wrapped up in her own stuff, she may not have noticed.  However, part of me would like to send her a belated Chanukah card in Hebrew.  I know revenge is not a good thing in Judaism, so I will "can it" for now.

Thus far I haven't really missed that much of Christmas.  I definitely have not missed the religious part and the marketing madness/stress are something most of us can do without.    I decorated a little for Chanukah with some driedel lights and stuffed Chanukah animals as well as my menorah and that got me through the part I really missed...the decorating.  I wrapped my Chanukah presents beautifully as well, which made it more fun.

I have yet to figure out the best answer to the mistaken Merry Christmas dilemma.  I work with patients and I think most people say it automatically and mean well.  My only answer is Happy Holidays to you as well.  I really don't think it is necessary to put people like this on the spot.  However, I have to find the peaceful way of kindly telling others who may not mean well that it is simply not my holiday.

Kathy

6th of Tevet, 5770 / ו׳ בטבת תש״ע

Conversion for Spirituality or Aliyah to Israel?

 First of all thank you Dena for your question from before that brought to mind yet another burning issue... Orthodox conversion.

There are about as many facets to this as a Rubik's cube (picture yourself in the middle of this room).

* First of all I am committed to being a Jew for spiritual reasons.  If I go to Israel, that would be great, but I will freely admit thus far I like my life in the Diaspora.

* Second of all there are kinds of rules and regs involved in moving to Israel, unless you can prove you are an Eastern European Jew from only one generation ago-this is my understanding.  Here is a link to Israel and Conversion http://www.gov.il/FirstGov/TopNavEng/EngSituations/ESConversion/ESCProcess/ .  They pretty much insist on Orthodox Conversion.

Interesting, I think Hitler went back 3 generations and if G-d forbid there ever is another Shoa, my gut says no one will ask me where my Jewishness came from (from my geneology or my heart).  This is probably why my Grandmother Klein would not think this conversion is a good idea even though I think she lived a life a faux Christianity, because of her father's conversion.  On the other hand, I think she would be fine with my love of Judaism.

*  Orthodoxy is great, but I am not a literalist in regard to Torah.  Yes, maybe it happened, but maybe these stories are meant to be studied and interpreted and not read like a history book.

This leads me to being more of a Conservative or Reform Jew.  I don't mind the laws a kashrut or having two sets of dishes.  I do think they need work on Women's rights.  Check out the movie "Kadosh" sometime.  You can rent it on Amazon sometime and watch it online:

It is radical, but I think there is some truth to it as well.  Incidentally Amazon is a good way to watch films on many different Jewish subjects, documentaries and Isreali film.  I am always looking for a good way to watch movies on Judaism and culture.  I utilize Shalom TV, too.  Sounds silly, but they do have some good info on there if you are fortunate enough to have a cable provider that offers it.

* Then I will back track and say I am a Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis fan and she is about as Orthodox as one can get, just don't sign me up for wearing of head covering outside of schul yet-he'd have to be one special Orthodox guy.

Back to the studies.....

Kathy

3rd of Tevet, 5770 / ג׳ בטבת תש״ע

Last Night of Chanukah

I just lit my Chanukah candles way late, but unfortunately spent my middle Chanukah days sick with a sore throat and asthma.  I have been delinquent over the last few days of lighting my candles as I have been so sick I feared falling asleep and burning the house down.
They have menorah's of all shapes and sizes as you can see...this one less traditional.
I would call this one the Carrie Bradshaw Menorah, with cheap Chanukah candles:

Today I am better so I said my blessings using my Hebrew transliteration and then said them in English.  Word to the wise do not buy cheap Chanukah candles.  They go every which way and they burn out too quickly.  I prefer the traditional candelabra type.
I have a beautiful new menorah, but also a cheap one that I am using so that the candles do not make such a mess on it.  Moving the menorah is bad-something about the mitzvah I don't understand yet, but I will.

Good Shabbas,

Kathy

1st of Tevet, 5770 / א׳ בטבת תש״ע

Jewish Names and Jewish Identity-a small rant...

My frustration on this subject is almost never ending.  I have had it shoved in my face by at least 2 people-one whose name was Randy(?) sorry I don't get this guy's point at all.

So folks, here it is, I sadly do not have a Jewish name yet.  My great grandfather Heinrich Klein (whose brother's were Jakob and Salmon) was still my great-grandfather.  I am immersing myself in a mikvah as soon as I can and I am studying like a maniac, but those people who think being Jewish is some sort of private country club have hassled me about this.  Wasn't it religious intolerance that killed 6 million in the first place?  Nice job guys...

All I can say is outside of Orthodoxy in the laws of Reform, if born to a Jewish father you are Jewish.  If I go through an Orthodox conversion it won't matter.  I am studying under 4 different Rabbi's:  Orthodox, Conservative, Reform and Reconstructionist.  More about pro's and con's and what I think about that later.

If I choose a Jewish name it will be Esther, after a wonderful woman named Rebbitzin Esther Jungreis, who would probably love this blog as she calls assimilation the next Holocaust. 

(Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis (left) with US Ambassador to Hungary, April Foley)

My closest friend is named Jill, but I don't go around calling her Joheved (which is her Jewish name) unless we are doing it jokingly.

So if people choose to hassle me, because my name is Kathy....my mother was Italian for goodness sakes, give my parents a break. 

Okay, I am returning to my Hebrew study now, it is a lot more productive thing.

Kathy

27th of Kislev, 5770 / כ״ז בכסלו תש״ע

Recap of Chanukah Day 3

It's late at night.  We had a Chanukah party and I ate my first latkes ( potatoe pancakes).  

I received a very nice menorah as a present.  Our Chanukah celebration day corresponded with my birthday and I received a very nice statue of a Rabbi from my friend's grandmother.  It was really a wonderful day....

Important things to know when lighting the Chanukah candles are the blessings which are sung...

Blessing for lighting the candles 

Menorah (Hanukkah)

ברוך אתה ה' א‑לוהינו מלך העולם, אשר קדשנו במצותיו וצונו להדליק נר (של) חנוכה.‏

Transliteration: Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha‑olam, asher kid'shanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu l'hadlik ner (shel) hanuka.

Translation: "Blessed are You, LORD, our God, King of the universe, Who has sanctified us with His commandments and commanded us to kindle the Hanukkah light[s]."

 Blessing for the miracles of Hanukkah

ברוך אתה ה' א‑לוהינו מלך העולם, שעשה נסים לאבותינו בימים ההם בזמן הזה.‏

Transliteration: Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha‑olam, she‑asa nisim la‑avoteinu ba‑yamim ha‑heim ba‑z'man ha‑ze.

Translation: "Blessed are You, LORD, our God, King of the universe, Who performed miracles for our ancestors in those days at this time..."

a simple link on lighting the candles & saying the blessings

An added Chanukah blessing: potential Jewish boyfriend called and emailed :) today.  Unfortunately, I didn't get to talk to him much due to mass chaos of opening Chanukah presents going on in a room with people from ages 12 to 92.  It is great to be in a room with 4 generations of a Jewish family.  If you think about how Chanukah is yet another Jewish survival story...this is just another illustration of Chanukah miracles.

Kathy

26th of Kislev, 5770 / כ״ו בכסלו תש״ע

The Dreidel-Atlantic City with religious permission

I thought I'd start with a dreidel review today...as most of us know what it is, but few of us know what to do with it.

A dreidel is a four-sided spinning top with a Hebrew letter on each side. It is used during Hanukkah to play a popular children's game that involves spinning the dreidel and betting on which Hebrew letter will be showing when the dreidel stops spinning. Children usually play for a pot of gelt, which are chocolate coins covered in gold colored tin foil, but they can also play for candy, nuts, raisins – anything really!
Dreidel is a Yiddish word that comes from the German word "drehen," which means “to turn.” In Hebrew the dreidel is called a "sevivon," which comes from the root "savov" and also means "to turn."

Origins

A game similar to the dreidel game was popular during the rule of Antiochus. During this period Jews were not free to openly practice their religion, so when they gathered to study Torah they would bring a top with them. If soldiers appeared, they would quickly hide what they were studying and pretend to be playing a gambling game with the top.

Meaning of the Hebrew Letters

A dreidel has one Hebrew letter on each side. Outside of Israel, those letters are: נ (Nun), ג (Gimmel), ה (Hay) and ש (Shin), which stand for the Hebrew phrase "Nes Gadol Haya Sham." This phrase means "A great miracle happened there [in Israel]."
After the State of Israel was founded in 1948 the Hebrew letters were changed for dreidels used in Israel. They became: נ (Nun), ג (Gimmel), ה (Hay) and פ (Pey), which stand for the Hebrew phrase "Nes Gadol Haya Po." This means "A great miracle happened here."
The miracle referred to in both versions of the Hebrew phrase is the miracle of the Hanukkah oil, which lasted for eight days instead of one.

How to Play the Dreidel Game

Any number of people can play the dreidel game. At the beginning of the game each player is given an equal number of gelt pieces or candy, usually 10-15.
At the beginning of each round, every player puts one piece into the center "pot." They then take turns spinning the dreidel, with the following meanings assigned to each of the Hebrew letters:

• Nun means "nichts," which means "nothing" in Yiddish. If the dreidel lands with a nun facing up the spinner does nothing.
• Gimmel means "ganz," which is Yiddish for "everything." If the dreidel lands with the gimmel facing up the spinner gets everything in the pot.
• Hey means "halb," which means "half" in Yiddish. If the dreidel lands with a hey facing up the spinner gets half of the pot.
• Shin means "shtel," which is Yiddish for "put in." Pey means "pay." If the dreidel lands with either a shin or a pey facing up the player adds a game piece to the pot.

If a player runs out of game pieces they are "out."
Happy Chanukah to all,
Kathy
26th of Kislev, 5770 / כ״ו בכסלו תש״ע

Project Unassimilation

Happy Chanukah!!!
It is the second day as those of you who are Jewish know already.  
So what is the purpose of this blog?
Well, for those of you who may be interested in converting and for those of you who have family that may have a Jewish heritage looming in the background..this is for you.
This started with an interest in Judaism, parents who gave clues to a Jewish heritage that they may have not identified with or felt ashamed of, a gradual dislike of the Catholicism in which I was raised, and a close Jewish friend whose family practically adopted me.
The project will include:
approximately 20 more Intro to Judaism classes
Torah class and attending many, many services
Holidays (includes Jewish family)

Jewish culture, history, and cooking
Learning Hebrew (at least enough to pray, if not more)

and Hopefully a trip to Israel someday....
Until next time,
Kathy
Someday to have a Jewish name too.

25th of Kislev, 5770 / כ״ה בכסלו תש״ע